Wordy Wednesday – I’m Back

by jessica on August 15, 2012

I had a rough spring. Running wasn’t loving me back the way that it used to and I felt my body had failed me. This summer I walked away from a part of my life that I loved, and said I needed a break. In reality I quit. Fear overcame me.

What if every run will suck? Will I never be able to train for a half marathon again? Have I love my spunk?

One week off turned into two which turned into one month. Now here we are two months later. I was filled with fear and uncertainty over running. Those final runs in May and June were terrible. Obviously I have always had bad runs. It happens, but that last half and the training runs for Chicago 13.1 were downright awful. I cried on a treadmill. When you are crying on a treadmill in a crowded gym on a Tuesday evening, you have to check yourself.

My regret (not that I should live with regret) is letting that feeling stay with me all this time. Everyt hing I learned during my 40 Days about instant forgiveness, I forgot. Well, I’m forgiving now.

Last night Abby convinced me to go for a run. I was terrified. I’m not joking. I had built up running in my head into something that was going to be painful, difficult, unenjoyable…

It was just a mile, but it was a real run – no walking, kept my pace up, and felt my run all the way to my toes.

Guess what?

I liked it. The whole drive home I felt exhilarated. The feeling I used to have when I finished a half marathon, I felt last night after one mile.

Feel your run.jpg

Lesson learned. No more fear. I built running up into something that I no longer liked. Once I could forgive myself for those bad runs and for that failed race, I could move forward.

I’m back and I’m ready to run!

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Nicole August 15, 2012 at 8:31 am

Wow, good for you, Jess! I can’t even picture myself running a half-marathon at this point… you are inspiring! :)

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jessie August 15, 2012 at 8:52 am

Jess I am so proud of you for overcoming your fear! Now get out there & bust out some awesome miles, you can do it :)

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Sam August 15, 2012 at 9:33 am

This is so perfect for me today (not that I want to steal your thunder, but it always makes me feel good to know when my blogposts resonate with other folks). I’m in the middle of training for my first half right now, and over the last month I’ve had a string of bad runs… the kind that are a combination of physical blah-ness, overwhelming external obstacles, and emotional distress.

“What if every run will suck?” is a question I just asked my husband last night. I appreciate you sharing this with the Interwebs. Congrats on overcoming your fears! Hope you get rewarded with one of those awesome serendipitous perfect runs.

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Katie @ Talk Less, Say More August 15, 2012 at 9:46 am

YOU GO GIRL! :)

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Becky@MunchingVeggies August 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

Way to overcome girlie. Sometimes our biggest and toughest battles are right in our minds. Glad you’re getting your groove back :)

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Calee (@chimes) August 15, 2012 at 10:41 am

Girl. I’ve been here all year. I quit out of fear too. I didn’t like it like I used to. I used to LOVE and LIVE running (hence the blog title). I finally signed up for a race and decided that training for a race would help. It has, but I am not one to stick to a training schedule, though I should right now because I haven’t been running and need to build back up to what I need to run.

Glad to hear you’re back too! Login to dailymile, why dontcha? ;)

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jessica September 3, 2012 at 5:45 pm

My goal this week is to go on two 3 mile runs. Hopefully I’ll be a regular dailymiler again!

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Deana August 17, 2012 at 7:05 am

THANK YOU for writing this post. I injured my knee a couple months ago after running and have been shying away from running because I was afraid of re-injuring it again. Well after I read your post, I busted out 3 miles and it felt great! Thanks again and have an awesome weekend!!

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