Wordy Wednesday – I’m Back

by jessica on August 15, 2012

I had a rough spring. Running wasn’t loving me back the way that it used to and I felt my body had failed me. This summer I walked away from a part of my life that I loved, and said I needed a break. In reality I quit. Fear overcame me.

What if every run will suck? Will I never be able to train for a half marathon again? Have I love my spunk?

One week off turned into two which turned into one month. Now here we are two months later. I was filled with fear and uncertainty over running. Those final runs in May and June were terrible. Obviously I have always had bad runs. It happens, but that last half and the training runs for Chicago 13.1 were downright awful. I cried on a treadmill. When you are crying on a treadmill in a crowded gym on a Tuesday evening, you have to check yourself.

My regret (not that I should live with regret) is letting that feeling stay with me all this time. Everyt hing I learned during my 40 Days about instant forgiveness, I forgot. Well, I’m forgiving now.

Last night Abby convinced me to go for a run. I was terrified. I’m not joking. I had built up running in my head into something that was going to be painful, difficult, unenjoyable…

It was just a mile, but it was a real run – no walking, kept my pace up, and felt my run all the way to my toes.

Guess what?

I liked it. The whole drive home I felt exhilarated. The feeling I used to have when I finished a half marathon, I felt last night after one mile.

Feel your run.jpg

Lesson learned. No more fear. I built running up into something that I no longer liked. Once I could forgive myself for those bad runs and for that failed race, I could move forward.

I’m back and I’m ready to run!

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