I had a rough spring. Running wasn’t loving me back the way that it used to and I felt my body had failed me. This summer I walked away from a part of my life that I loved, and said I needed a break. In reality I quit. Fear overcame me.
What if every run will suck? Will I never be able to train for a half marathon again? Have I love my spunk?
One week off turned into two which turned into one month. Now here we are two months later. I was filled with fear and uncertainty over running. Those final runs in May and June were terrible. Obviously I have always had bad runs. It happens, but that last half and the training runs for Chicago 13.1 were downright awful. I cried on a treadmill. When you are crying on a treadmill in a crowded gym on a Tuesday evening, you have to check yourself.
My regret (not that I should live with regret) is letting that feeling stay with me all this time. Everyt hing I learned during my 40 Days about instant forgiveness, I forgot. Well, I’m forgiving now.
Last night Abby convinced me to go for a run. I was terrified. I’m not joking. I had built up running in my head into something that was going to be painful, difficult, unenjoyable…
It was just a mile, but it was a real run – no walking, kept my pace up, and felt my run all the way to my toes.
I liked it. The whole drive home I felt exhilarated. The feeling I used to have when I finished a half marathon, I felt last night after one mile.
Lesson learned. No more fear. I built running up into something that I no longer liked. Once I could forgive myself for those bad runs and for that failed race, I could move forward.
I’m back and I’m ready to run!